Do you ever feel like things will never change? Like its too hard to even hope for change anymore?
Like being in flipping lockdown for example.
It’s hard. I sometimes lose hope. I dream of the day where I can hug my mum again, and start dating perhaps. Where I don’t have to think about my every movement, analyzing risk, weighing up the pros and cons.
The thing is, I am coping better in this lockdown than I was in the first, and this is due to a number of factors.
Maybe we kind of know the drill now. I have support with childcare during the week so I can work AND, and this is the BIG thing…I am looking after me, like my life depends on it…it kind of does.
For those folks who read my blog last year you will know I took 2 months away to write a book in Greece. I intended on going for 3 weeks, as a bit of a break from 6 months of homeschooling and juggling two businesses.
I knew almost the moment I touched down that I would need longer.
It’s like my body went into shock. I didn’t know what it was like to relax any more. It felt alien to have time to myself where I wasn’t looking after other people.
I sobbed the first time I got in the ocean and let the water take my weight.
I had put on a lot of weight…not only physically but emotionally too. I was holding space for a lot of people…as many of us women did, and continue to do.
I was self-medicating with food and red wine, and I was hardly leaving the house, due to a mixture of panic attacks, inertia and childcare issues. I didn’t recognise myself anymore.
The photo for this blog was one my daughter took during a rare visit to a friend’s back garden in between the first of the national lockdowns…the first adult human being I had seen in months.
I still don’t recognise myself in that image.
Things were so different back then.
A simple walk to the post office which is like 8 minutes away from my home, would leave me breathless and with extreme back pain.
I had given up on anything related to self-care or looking after me.
Something needed to change.
I booked an appointment with a doctor, but was too afraid to go to the surgery as my family GP had sadly died of COVID back in May.
I knew I needed help.
And so I took on a nutritionist and worked with them for 3 months to find myself again. This wasn’t about dieting, it wasn’t about fixing myself, it was about finding my way back to me.
The focus was on wellbeing not weightloss…which was frustrating at first.
I learned about reducing inflammation not only through food but also through lifestyle tweaks and stress management. I learned to communicate what I needed from other people in my life, and to make better decisions related to the whole families health.
And bit by bit I found myself again.
- Yes I lost weight
- Yes the lower back pain subsided
- Yes the pins and needles and heart palpitations I’d acquired disappeared
- Yes I found the joy in movement again
But most importantly I found hope again. Hope that things could be different, that I could look after myself better, that I did know what to do…and it didn’t have to be about extreme change and drastic measures.
I did much of this work away from the public eye
I didn’t quite know how to talk about this on my blog, in case folks judged me, in case they accused me of jumping on the diet bandwagon, in case it triggered negative emotions or made women feel bad.
But my commitment on this blog has always been to speak my truth
And my truth was that COVID had a significantly bad effect on my health and wellbeing, and I was afraid if the virus didn’t get me, and accumulation of other things would.
90 days of working on my health changed everything, and now I want to give women the opportunity to do something similar.
No prescribed fitness plan
Just a safe space to have the conversations that perhaps we can’t have elsewhere. Where we can access health advice and support, and we can make informed decisions about the habits we want to embrace.
The Big Fat Wellbeing Experiment starts on Monday.
I have 60 women registered, and I seriously can not wait.
I have 10 spots available for women who are not in the position to self-fund this, so if this is the case please email firstname.lastname@example.org
You can also gift a spot if you would like, again just email us to let us know that the space you purchased is for someone else, and we will ensure someone who needs it gets the opportunity.
I feel like I have my life back.
It wasn’t about the weight, it was about the weight of responsibility I felt, to keep everything together…I couldn’t manage by myself, none of us can. We need support, connection, and a whole heap of love to get through this.
And my online programmes have been giving women just that for the last 7 years.
Here is the link to register….we start on Monday.
If you have any questions, please do reach out.
90 days…how could you shift things for you and your body. How can you use this space to give yourself the freedom to be gloriously perfect and a work in progress at the same time.
No shame. No judgement.
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